They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
