Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
