winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
