Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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