I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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