This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
