Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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