OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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