I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
