I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
