i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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