I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
