I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No I am not eating basil off your cock
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
