guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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