Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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