Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
