Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
