my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
