The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
