So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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