Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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