He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
