You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
