I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
