Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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