I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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