those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
