i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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