she was so not down for the gang bang
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
