dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
