Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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