he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
