her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My cat gives me a boner
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
