You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
