so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
