Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
