She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
