so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
