I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
