rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
