Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
