this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
