Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
