oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
