Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
