I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
