two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
