Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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