My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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