She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
