When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
