Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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