STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
