To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
